Listen to What I Say

My sweet Adelaide will be three in a few months.  On at least a weekly basis, Colin and I look at each other while she's doing something or telling a story and ask each other "when did she get so big?"  She's growing like a weed out of every pair of pants and shoes and I can see her little personality expanding as well.  She is all about doing things on her own, defining her own personhood, becoming a girl who will soon have her own likes and opinions and perspectives.  As all of this development happens, the tug-o-war of obedience has begun as well.  I believe that one of the hardest jobs with this phase of mommyhood is letting her be herself and express her opinions, but also teach her how to obey me when I ask her to do things (and being careful myself not to just ask things for my own convenience all the time).  One of the things we've been working on specifically this week is for her to acknowledge me when I ask her to do something.  I have found that she is MUCH more likely to obey if she first says "yes ma'am" or "okay" or "I'm trying."  Without having the communication between us, she tends to stay focused on whatever she was doing before and forget the generally simple request I have made to her.

So, here's where this moves beyond basic parenting 101.  I was in the car today asking her to respond to something I had said with a simple "yes ma'am" when I felt that familiar tug on my heart and God gently whispered into my mind "How often do you obey me like this, Christina? How often do you acknowledge what I've told you to do with a simple 'Yes, sir' and the trust that goes along to show that you believe I know best for you?"

O.U.C.H.  That one made me cringe.

I can tell you about a million things I've been thinking about, worrying about, procrastinating on.  Honestly, several of these things are tasks I believe God clearly put on my heart to do- tithe a little extra to something this month, invite someone else to coffee, have a little extra grace for another person.  But because of the desire for security and control over my own timing and schedule and plans, I have failed to listen well in some of these areas.  Like my precious toddler, who can annoy me to no end with her tantrums and belief that what she is doing is best, I forget that my loving father knows exactly what will lead me down the perfect path for me, and He wants to me act in trust TODAY, in the moment I hear Him, that what He asks of me will be more fulfilling than where I think I'm headed in my own will.  

Second Timothy 2:14-15 says this: "Remind them of these things, and charge them before God not to quarrel about words, which does no good, but only ruins the hearers. Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who has no need to be ashamed, rightly handling the word of truth."

I so desperately want to be someone who "rightly handles the word of truth." I want to be a woman that reads the Word of God and BELIEVES what it says. I want that belief to change how I think and how I act and how I parent and how I LOVE. I want to feel those stirrings in my heart and OBEY, crying out "Yes, sir!" with absolute trust and the joy of pleasing my parent.

Lord, let these words be my prayer.  Let these desires, which you have put in my heart drive out the sinful junk that still creeps in and tells me my ways and my security plans are better.  Remind me over and over that Your ways are higher and sweeter and better forever and ever.  I pray that I would obey You in all my ways and that I would not forget what it feels like and sounds like to hear You whispering truth into my soul.  Amen.  

Leaving a Little Space

Colin and I have been attending our church now for four years.  We had been visiting for a few months the fall of 2010 and finally decided in January of 2011, on our church's first anniversary, that we definitely wanted to call it our church home.  I'm pretty sure Colin still believes that the sermon we heard that January morning was the best sermon our pastor has ever given.  
This last weekend, at the end of our Pastor's fifth anniversary "State of the Church" sermon he asked all of us congregants a pretty great January question: "What is one step that I could take to grow as a disciple this year?"  In light of that, what is one thing I can do today?" 

Be still.  Slow down.  Choose to renew your mind in TRUTH each day.

The answer came to my mind (or maybe my heart?  Sometimes those are still a little tricky for me to differentiate) almost immediately.  Thats not terribly common for me.  When it comes to resolution-style decisions, short of "eat healthier, exercise, lose weight"- a common theme of the last 10 years- I'm a think-it-over kind of girl.  But there was no thinking over this answer on Sunday.  I've felt a definite pull in the last month or so toward the decision to reevaluate my commitments, say yes a little less, and make sure I'm leaving a little space in between to focus on what really matters to me.  I love my friends, my bible study, my community group, taking Adelaide to playgroups and gymnastics, and getting ready for another little girl to come into our family, but I don't do any of those things well when I don't make space in my day for Truth- for reading God's word, meditating on the words in that bible, applying them to my life, praying in deep gratefulness for Gracious Mercies that are new every morning (or every moment), and taking my frustrations and burdens to the only One who can truly give me peace about them.  All of those things can take 10 minutes, or 2 hours, depending on the time I want to commit to it, but even the 10 minute days just seem to have a serious shift in the way I react or respond to people and circumstances around me.  

So for the last few days, and the next few days, I'm spending that time really studying what "Renewing my mind" looks like.  The time I spend meditating on the bible doesn't really make a difference if I don't apply it to other parts of my day, and that application is, I believe, what the process of renewing our mind (learning to remember and think about the teachings of Jesus) means. 

I think the best place to start with thinking about renewing my mind is Romans 12:2. 
"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will." (NIV)

I actually love the NLT translation of this verse: "Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect."

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Changing the way I think....yes, please.  I am SO caught up in the behaviors and customs of this world!  Left and right, over and over, I see how I make decisions based on what the world calls successful- whether its what I choose to wear (generally pretty innocent conforming) or how I parent my daughter (which can get pretty ugly when I'm parenting her so I'll look like a good mom, and not because its truly beneficial to her heart- those get fuzzy real quick).  I've tried to change those myself and it never works very well or for very long.  I'm praying today that God will continue to do that work in me.  I'm praying He will be transforming me into a new person by transforming the way I think.  I'm praying He'll do that today in very small but specific ways, whether being more gracious to my husband about dirty dishes or letting the laundry wait until tomorrow in order to put my productivity rating aside and love someone well.  Want to pray that with me?  

Feeling Grateful this Fall

The air in the morning around here is crisp and chilly, the kind that makes snuggling under the covers that much better and cold toes on the wood floor a reason to stay in bed for 5 more minutes.

I love these first few days of fall.

The sun has warmed the world a little more by afternoon and evenings come with the smell of burning leaves or the last charcoals of summer.  These pleasures and moments of beauty I want to savor are simple and free, they ask nothing other than stepping out of the house, taking a walk, holding a tiny toddler hand and pointing out red leaves and swirling smoke from backyard piles.

But along with the season change comes other pleasures that, though not bad in and of themselves, certainly wedge themselves into the way I expect to enjoy these moments.  Cozy sweaters with new scarves in scarlet, hunter and mustard plaid (like the GORGEOUS one below), steaming lattes held by manicured fingers in moody colors, seasonally decorated porches and black mulch around yellow mums.

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More than any previous year, this fall has brought out in me an unhealthy expectation to be able to run out and just pick up whatever new on-trend apparel or decor I want.  Perhaps its the completion of our kitchen renovation and our summer of spending significantly more than usual (though mostly at Ikea and Home Depot), but it seems our budget has flown out the window and I'm forgetting all our long-term goals and the value of delayed gratification.

I'm right up there with the rest of the women in any developed county, cute jeans and a new sweater just FEEL good.  But this September, I need a kick-in-the-pants reminder that so does a full emergency fund and growing retirement account.

So, instead of running out to the mall, I'm searching for a few ways to enjoy the season with what I already have.  I'm spening my week hanging up the perfectly nice fall clothes I already have (and cherishing the few cute sweaters that I did happen to find on sale).  I'm lighting a fall-scented candle and wiping the drywall dust from the window sills. I'm organizing closets to find and straighten up all the home decor items I loved and used last year. I'm decorating with free pumpkins kindly picked from a family member's farm and I'm taking walks with my girl to find leaves and pine cones and things she'll remember doing instead of buying.

God help me, I'm still going to want a Starbucks Caramel Apple Spice this Saturday morning, and I'm sure I'll oggle over any plaid scarf I see in any shop window, but I'm going to try to practice a little more resourcefulness and gratefulness for what I have.

The First Post

I have a lot to be grateful for, y'all.  And though I don't generally forget that, it can often be a challenge to keep focused on the blessings when the general busyness of life (here's looking at you, to-do lists) gets so distracting.  

Philippians 4:8 says "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things."

I need a space to be write down and lift up the little things about life that are dear to me, to help me keep them at the forefront of my mind, to remind me that my days aren't just about getting the next thing done, but living in the richness of each day.

I imagine this blog will evolve as I do (isn't that the stuff of life?), but for now I look forward to sharing dreams and goals (maybe it'll help keep me accountable), new and favorite recipes (Lord knows I need a place to pull those together), what I'm learning (mostly as I grow in faith and try to figure out this parenting thing), and share bits and pieces of our silly little family.